We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Someone said to my brother: "Your dad touched my balls. "I looked him in the eye, said "Not quite anything" and reached up to hang the guitar from the top rack, which I had to stretch a bit to reach, all while maintaining eye contact. Teacher, it has come to my attention that you have absolutely no control over this class! Read on to learn some of the best roasts and insults that will get you through a day where you don’t feel like being as sweet as a Georgia peach. A guy was walking down the hallway with some retro lunch box, I forget what but it was actually pretty awesome. ", Was chatting with my parents about something and my Mum and I disagreed on a fact. He says to the old man as he's leaving, "people are starving, and you're leaving food on the plate. What's the difference?". He raised an eyebrow, the only emotion he conveyed and said in the most genuine, even tone I've ever heard "you should have been a meal for mom. I wasn't disappointed. He apologized for being a jerk. The inmate was left speechless, with all his gang buddies laughing at him. He was like an Egyptian task master who would watch over the Hebrew slaves during the time when Hebrews were slaves in ancient Egypt. ", Ok I'm eating at a breakfast diner, and there is an older gentleman sitting next to me at the counter.He stands up to leave, and another old man sitting near him looks at the guy's plate and I guess he noticed that he didn't really eat a whole lot. The 11 Most Savage Roasts of the Week - The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. Your hairline is so far back. Case in point is the Wendy’s Twitter account. Kid didn't say a word after that. Hey Pandas, If Life Had A Ctrl-Z Button, What Would You Want To Undo. "So I texted my dad something like, "mom's blaming me for her c-section scar. A mindful adult wouldn't say that to any child. I was a fat kid with man-boobs. That was the last time she said it. He was sweeping up some dust after drilling a hole through some concrete, so, he scoops it up, walks over, and very slowly pours it on the floor in front of me with a smirk on his face and says "Hey Pat, your mom's here. My buddy and I were hanging out with a good looking girl. Because you’re simply not that important. “Mike Tyson is a straight up Savage.” – Urban Dictionary. People that don’t know you thank God each day because it is hell being around you. 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